Should all parents watch Adolescence on Netflix?

Rewind.

4 weeks ago.

My husband was out for the night.

TV remote all to myself.

Scrolling Netflix looking for a program to watch on my own so as to not break the cardinal rule of watching ahead in a series you have started with your partner…

I stumbled across a new release called Adolescence.

Curious, I flicked it on and started watching.

I watched the first 15 mins.

It was gripping and terrifying and felt unbelievable to watch a SWAT team wake a young teen and pull him out of his bed in the middle of the night.

As I’m not one to watch serious drama in my downtime…I flicked over to a romcom instead.

To be honest at the time I saw it as just another tv drama.

But many have suggested this program should be mandatory watching for all parents saying parents need to know the potential serious harm the online world can cause.

I agree with the reasons but don’t agree that all parents need to watch an entirely fictional program that is unlikely to provide any actual information about the danger that their teen may or may not be in.

It’s often implied that we need to put terrifying, very extreme and unusual scenarios before parents so that parents will finally stand up and take charge and protect their children.

 I’m saddened by the all too common public dialogue that implies all parents are permissively negligent. 

And that teens are passive naive consumers of everything they see online. 

This is not at all what I see.

I see parents that care deeply and are doing their best. 

Parents that have tried to restrict and monitor their teen’s device use as much as they could while running a household, juggling work and not being an IT expert.

I see parents ashamed to admit that they tried device limits and their teen punched a hole in the wall.

And other parents… 

Thinking they have successfully implemented restrictions, while their teen has found a workaround and is accessing what they want online behind their back.

But…

I have also seen teens turning on app restrictions themselves, putting their phones down to sleep better, exiting chats and deleting messages that offend them, unfollowing content that makes them hate themselves or content that is trying to get them to hate someone else.

But they aren’t doing this because they watched a fictional tv program.

They aren’t doing this because their parents watched Adolescence and came into their bedroom in a panic unplugged the wifi and ranted about the dangers of the online world.

I think most parents intuitively know this.

Or have tried and are living the daily battlefield and wanting to move the family to a remote island with no electricity. 

Of course you want to protect your teen.

And you want peace in your home.

It is reasonable to seek both of these things. 

At the same time.

The key is to help teens make good decisions for themselves when you are not looking.

Teens can and do learn well from coaching conversations with parents.

It’s how you taught them to solve math problems on their own.

You didn’t just give them the answer, you asked them questions to get their critical thinking skills working to solve the problem themselves.

You can do this with all sorts of life problems.

When we ask teens the right types of questions you can help them learn and reflect and make decisions differently…even in the online space.

These types of coaching conversations are a good place to start.

But for some families, strict device restrictions may be necessary as part of a planned and supported wholeistic approach where danger is clearly evident. This approach is tough on parents.

These parents are not finding it tough because they are weak or just need to toughen up. Sometimes things are hard not because parents are doing a bad job, they are hard because they are hard.  If this is your household I want you to know there's no judgement here, only bucket loads of compassion.

The often missed side of the Adolescence tv drama is the parents' experience. Before you jump in with judgement and advice about control. Look around and see which parents in your life might need a shoulder to cry on because it takes a village to raise a child and support a parent.

P.s. If you would like to learn more about ways to teach your teen to make better choices related to all things online you can check out my teens and screens parent course here.