Morning routines for Teens
Mornings are a common source of conflict with teens.
They snap because you told them to stop scrolling and get ready…
Then 5 mins before you need to leave they are yelling because they can’t find their sock.
Routines are important for organisation...
...and for creating peace and calm in the mornings.
But when implemented the wrong way can create cycles of negativity and resentment in the parent teen relationship.
Teens need a different approach to morning routines than when they were in primary school.
Parent made wall charts and directing the child traffic in the morning doesn't work as well.
Teens need to be involved in planning, creating and executing the routine.
Here’s why.
💪 It builds their brain capacity and skills. Morning routines are a skill for life. The more experience they have with making routines and sticking to them the better they will function in adulthood.
🤯 It reduces your mental load and stress. When your teen holds responsibility for the morning routine in their head, you don’t have to. It frees up your mental space and will reduce your stress so when the inevitable “bad hair day” comes along you have greater emotional and mental capacity to help.
🌀 It stops the nagging cycle that you both hate. You hate having to remind them 10 times to pack their bag. They hate being told to do it. If they have created the routine for themselves you can prompt them to look at their own plan rather than direct each movement.
😹There are things that are important to them (e.g. connecting with friends on their phone, or 30 mins to do makeup, or 20 mins to snooze) that we would leave out of a routine we would create for them. But leaving these things out are where you will see the friction points in the morning as they try to fit the "extra"things in they want to do.
You might say well I have told them they need to make a morning routine and they just won’t do it.
It's not telling them Sunday night to just "get themselves organised."
You need a strategy....
Make a time with your teen to have a planned, considered, coaching conversation about the morning routine when you both have time and brain space to discuss it.
There’s an art to how to have these conversations...here's how to do it.
Think about it in a similar way to how you would approach math homework with them. They have to do it. You won’t do it for them, and depending on their level of skill they might need you to ask them some questions to help them answer the problem or make the task a little easier.
Set up a good time to talk about it. Ask them curious questions and prompt them to make decisions about their routine and reflect on any ways the routine may not work when it is played out in the morning. (You may need to take breaks and not work it out in one sitting.)
It is hard to stay curious and follow this process when you want to tell your teen not to use their phones, get more sleep, and eat breakfast.
But when you listen, and engage their brain to think things through, you will be more likely to get compliance through real learning.
And when this happens you get your morning back and less conflict with your teen.
You can always put rules in for your teen if they need it to scaffold them, but it’s worth trying to get there with them on board first through a coaching conversation.
Here to help.
Want my help to have successful coaching conversations and build more calm and connection in your household? Consider joining my Calm Connection Program here.
Have a neurodivergent teen? Routines are an important scaffold to manage stress and improve mental well being. Teens with ADHD will struggle more with implementing routines, but once established, routines reduce the difficulties associated with mornings.
This Parent Thinking Space article was written in response to a parent question. If you have something you would like me to write about, send me an email, would love to help.
