Feeling worn out and finding all of the giving (time, attention, organisation) difficult

You're tired all the time mentally and physically.

The appointments, the schedules, the moodiness, the needs of everyone and the constant never ending to do list that is too long to complete is your every day.

The struggle to focus, think clearly and concentrate has you perpetually distracted feeling like everything is only part done.

When your teen tries to talk to you, you try your best to listen but find your mind is on other things and listening feels so hard.

This is parent burnout and is something that gets in the way of being the parent you would like to be.

Finding the energy and mental space for work, family, appointments, house tasks, and pets is feeling impossible…

… let alone finding space for yourself.

But while alone time is important, it may not be the panacea you are hoping for.

That’s because the brain fog, overwhelm, difficulty listening and general feeling that if someone else makes a noise or touches you you are going to snap and leave them all…is the result of your body’s stress and anxiety system being active.

Our bodies are made with internal systems to keep us safe from physical danger.

Stress and anxiety cause our bodies to release hormones that prepare us to fight a physical danger or to flee a physical danger.

We needed this response as a species to keep us safe from lions or tigers or other animals that may eat us.

We however, are not often confronted with dangerous animals in modern society.

Instead, our fight flight system is set off by concerns about...

how others see us...

money...

our teen's engagement with school work...

our teen's device time, phone use, gaming...

our kid's friendships...

or worry about what a teen might be hiding or doing wrong.

And when we are in the brain fog, exhausted and unable to listen to our kids...

the thing that tips us over is

...the worry we are not doing a good enough job as a parent because we can't even listen to them talk anymore.

Our modern day stress and anxiety is not set off by physical threats but psychological ones.

But our body response is still physical and leads to the exhaustion, mental fog, difficulty planning, listening, headaches and agitation.

The key to reducing these physical feelings is to address the perceived psychological "threats" that are setting off your stress and anxiety systems.

If to feel calmer we need to become aware of our thoughts and respond with compassion not self-criticism.

Constantly thinking that someone else would manage life better is not helping you and is making things worse.

Research with parents of children with autism has shown that parents who have self compassion (kindness toward themselves rather than criticism or blaming) have lower levels of stress despite having very high levels of difficulties and challenges in their families.

The one thing to do today. Right now. To help you with the burnout is to ask yourself...

What are you really worried about?

How can you show yourself kindness and understanding?

What would you say to a friend who was worried about the same thing?

If you were sitting at my kitchen table right now I would start by telling you…

I feel for you.

I know how it feels.

It’s hard the load that is on you right now.

I see the things you do, how hard you work for everyone in your family.

I see the challenges with your kids, your partner and your friends.

You are a good person. You are a good parent (I know this because you must be to have read this far).

Take a breath….

Calm your fight flight system.

Breath again.

You can connect, you can be the parent you want to be.

Let’s start with looking after you.