Dealing with your teen's anxiety about school

These are the thoughts I hear from parents of children who find it hard to get to school.

I just wish that she could get up in the morning and happily go off to school. Why does it have to be so hard for her? Did I do something wrong? It feels like everyone seems to have an opinion or a look to give me, like they know better. Their child gets to school easier because they were tougher than I was, or they are a better parent than me and taught their child resilience. What if she has a meltdown right before the bell, or at school, or refuses to get up, or refuses to get out of the car what will I do then?!!… I really hope she doesn’t try to do that.

If your teen is feeling wobbly, or likely to feel wobbly going back to school, I want to let you know that you are not alone. When our children are anxious about school the mornings are difficult, and the nights and sometimes everything in between. School anxiety puts the whole family under so much stress and parents are often left alone to work out when to push and when to give their child a hug.

If this sounds like your family, then here are a few small tips that I hope help you this week.

1. Find an outlet for your own emotions. Talk to a friend or a pet, journal, draw, have a cry if you need to. Let off some of the stress you are feeling so you have some space to help hold some of your child’s anxiety. Be compassionate toward yourself, this is a tough situation.

2. Let your child feel anxious. Let them cry and be scared. Let them talk to you about their feelings and help them to feel heard and understood. So often once children are provided the space to cry and offload they can think more rationally and logically and we don’t need to do much more to help them get up and out the door.

3. Take one moment at a time. Break it down and remind yourself to focus on each moment. For example, if your child is upset the night before school focus on that moment, rather than stressing about whether that means she will be upset in the morning and refuse to go to school (…and never finish school and never be able to leave her room again you get the picture). Emotions come in waves, ride each wave out, don’t worry about the next wave and step by step together make it out the door to school.

Please let me know if these tips are helpful to you this week and know you are not alone in this.