Teen Moodiness.

Let’s be honest.

Teenage moodiness is annoying.

No cross that, it’s more than annoying.

It’s exhausting.

Being huffed at, sworn at, and having all your buttons pushed at once is more than just “annoying”.

Life would be easier without the huffs, head down, short fuse, door slams, and teenage tantrums over minor requests.

Understandably you want it to stop...

But the punishments, threats, and consequences aren’t working…

Neither is ignoring, placating, walking on eggs shells, and avoiding “prodding the tiger”.

It can leave parents wondering whether it's even possible to change these behaviours and maybe everyone needs to just duck for cover and wait until they grow out of it.

While it is true that the emotional roller coaster reduces after the teenage years, it's also possible to reduce it sooner.

The key to calming the moodiness is learning to “talk teenager”.

I don’t mean learning the latest slang

…that definitely will get an eye roll from them.

I mean learning that teens communicate and seek connection not always through words but through huffs, shrugs and one syllable responses.

These behaviours are not always (or often) the signs of disrespect that need to be shut down or punished.

They are also not just “teenage” behaviour that need to be accepted and ignored.

Huffs, eye rolls, one syllable responses, yelling, stomping, door slamming are all ways of telling you how they feel.

While it feels like they are shutting you out…

They are actually telling you a lot…just not with words.

These behaviours when responded to in the wrong ways cause disconnection, heartache, and disruption in households.

For example, what if their shrug and head down means…

“I’m sad mum because I’ve been thinking all day about how I don’t fit in at school.”

What will happen if you say…

“Stop being so moody you’re upsetting the whole household”?

While telling them to stop being moody can feel like it might be the magic words to peace and harmony…it’s not often helpful.

But a small acknowledgement matching the teen’s mood saying something like…

“Hey. You seem a bit down, how was your day?” may be the beginning to opening up conversation and connection again.

When we are curious about their behaviour and respond acknowledging their emotions with compassion the behaviours shift.

You may be reading this and thinking… “I do ask them that and that’s what gives me the frustrating shrugs and one syllables.”

I hear you.

Teen behaviour is complicated… read on.

Whenever you are stuck…start with curiosity.

To help you get started with being curious about your teen’s behaviour below are examples of teen behaviour and the emotion it may be expressing.

It is helpful to start with being curious about the emotion.

Huff and shrug with head down may be feeling sad, confused, ashamed or anxious.

Yelling, swearing, kicking may be feeling angry, agitated, overwhelmed, disappointed, depressed, stressed, anxious, afraid.

Eye rolls may be feeling misunderstood, disappointed, embarrassed, anxious.

Bouncing around the house making noise and annoying people may be feeling excited, anxious, stressed.

Teenage behaviours and emotions are complex.

The first step to helping to reduce the moodiness is getting to know what emotion is behind the behaviour.

Have a go this week being more curious about the moody behaviour.

Shifting out of the mindset of punishment or placating and into curiosity helps you make the first step to truly understanding your teen. 

By first truly understanding their experience and what they are communicating to you can begin to reconnect with your teen.