Are Parents to Blame for their Teen's Behaviour?

Yesterday I heard that two parents received jail time for their son's school shooting.

How can parents possibly be held responsible for the actions of their almost adult children?

This is the first time parents have been charged for a school shooting.

I was driving when I heard it on the radio and as soon as I stopped I was googling the story keen to understand why.

The ABC news article I read reported that "The ...parents had bought the weapon used in the school shooting as a Christmas gift and ignored warning signs as late as the day of the shooting."

Should all parents be blamed for the actions of all children.

No.

(It makes me so angry when people blame parents for their kids difficulties...)

Some of the best parents end up with kids that make bad decisions.

But parents do have a role.

Your relationship with your teen is important.

And in this case it was legally determined that this relationship safety net let this kid down.

I get emails every other week from parents who want me to work with their teens to build their resilience “just in case”.

They see therapy as a safety net.

That if their kids have the right skills they will be protected when they hit bumps in the road.

While skills for managing emotions can be helpful…

…This is often not where the focus needs to be.

Your relationship with your teen is the best safety net I know of.

Focus on your relationship with them so that when they hit a bump in the road they talk to you about it and you can help them.

Learn how to talk to your teen in a way that helps them open up, reflect and make good decisions.

Learn the skills they need in the moments of struggle so you can help them manage.

It’s the best thing you can do as a parent.