What’s the right bedtime, phone rules, right thing to do when they say I hate you!

You’re worried about your teen behind their closed door.

You wonder what’s the right thing to do?

Should you let them be… or talk to them?

They yell at you over the smallest thing and say “I hate you!”

You wonder what’s the right thing to do?

Should you punish them or let it go because they’re having a tough day.

They won’t go to bed at 9 pm.

You wonder what’s the right bedtime for a teen?

They want snapchat.

You wonder what’s the right age to give it to them…or should you let them have it at all.

You want answers.

Keep reading.

I love to get things right.

If I make the right decisions then everything works.

When we know we are right we can hold a hard line with our kids and tolerate their upset.

We feel more confident if we know for sure what we are doing will grow a mature, kind, responsible human being.

So I’m going to help you out.

Because I want you to feel better.

The right thing to do is focus on teaching your child to make good decisions (even when you are not there to enforce the rules).

We do this through having conversations that open them up, get them talking to us.

Then ask them the right type of questions to get them to reflect on their wants, behaviours and emotions without getting defensive or argumentative.

You need to collaborate with your teen to find the “right” answers for them.

Instead of asking the “experts” (...who may have never met your child) whether you should give them space, how much sleep they need, and whether you should give them snapchat…

Talk to your teen.

Ask them to reflect on what they need.

Collaborate with them.

Provide feedback about what you see and what you know.

Trust that they actually don’t want to live tired, anxious, depressed or addicted lives.

If you have a teen that says horrible things to you like “I hate you!”

Instead of worrying about whether you should tell them off or give them space…

Listen to what they are saying to you.

Consider the context of the rudeness.

Have a conversation with them about what is upsetting them…

…and have a talk about how their rudeness makes you feel.

Taking a collaborative approach does not equal having no boundaries.

Collaborative coaching conversations are the right place to start.

The apology you want is so much better when they come to it themselves.

You still have the responsibility to make the final call if they make a decision that’s detrimental…

But by starting with the coaching you are teaching them how to think things through and make good decisions.

That’s the one skill that underlies everything you want for them.