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From feeling like "It's all so hard" to... Calm, Connected parenting.
You thought the terrible twos were hard...welcome to the teenage years.
You thought if you did all the right things when they were young, then the teenage years wouldn't be so hard.
But it's not working.Â
You've tried to be the reasonable parent with "clear rules" and "boundaries".
You were greeted with yelling and withdrawal.
*A bedroom door slams in the distance*
You try to give them space when they need it...
When they were younger they would go to their bedroom and come back out.
Now you get one syllable and a shrug as they return to their room to hibernate further.
Your anxiety rising with each hour they spend behind the closed door messing up their sleep cycle, scrolling on their device and not engaging with the family.Â
You're trying your best but it's not working.
You want to be the best parent you can and want the best for your teen.
But you are confused and stuck because you are parenting in an era that has soooo many new challenges.
You know that a connected relationship with your teen is important and something you really want but...
...just don’t know how to make all of the things you know work in the real world where tic toc, snap, fortnight, insta or youtube have replaced family time around a tv. Â
In the real world you’re trying your absolute best but you’re worried, tired, stressed, and feel like you’re failing.Â
How do you have the warm, connected, listening conversations with your teen when they won’t come out of their bedroom?Â
What do you do when they roll their eyes and ignore you when you’re telling them they need 9 hours sleep, wind down time, exercise, organisation skills and planning?Â
What do you do when they just won’t listen?Â
If they would just listen to you about sleep, phones, games, organisation, study and exercise then they would feel so much better. Â
How do you maintain your calm when they are getting frustrated with you and telling you that you don’t understand?
Seriously, how much rude tone, yelling, and ignoring can anyone take before they flip their lid?!Â
Imagine this...
You're working so hard to keep everyone calm but inside you're the one who's constantly anxious, walking on eggshells, and wondering what kind of war you're inadvertently going to start at dinner tonight.Â
There is a real emotional toll on you.
It's effecting you and your connection with your teen.
It's not your fault, but changing how you feel and developing your insight, awareness and self-care will help your teen's mood and connection with you.
That's because the emotional processes behind every conversation are what makes it a successful or an unsuccessful parenting moment.
And this is the part that is missing in most parenting books and programs.
The mistake most parents make is thinking that if they work on getting their teen to be more emotionally stable and polite then everyone will be happy.
But the paradox is that the more you try to fix the problem, the more emotional they get.
The change you want starts with nurturing you.Â
The key to ending family explosions over asking them to put their clothes away or get off a device...
Is you staying calm.
But doing this in the real world when you are tired, so over it, and just want them to see all the things you do for them is hard.
They key to them opening up to you and talking to you is...
Staying calm.
But this is hard when you are worried and just want to help them.Â
Inside the Calm Connection program I teach you how to identify what's driving the emotional intensity for you, and exactly what to do to stay calm even when they are telling you that you are the worst person in the world for not understanding them.
Their feelings are big.
So are your worries and stresses.
I want to help you feel better so you can help them be a responsible, caring and considerate human being, who hugs you, talks to you, listens to you and even wipes down the kitchen bench occasionally.
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The Calm Connection Program is 3Â types of programs in one (delivered by Dr Kirstin Barchia Clinical Psychologist)Â
Calm Connection Program
- Learn practical strategies to calm yourself without having to go to a yoga retreat or meditate at 5am.
- Learn how to change the emotional tone of the conversation so they talk to you and listen to you again.
- Learn new ways to interact and communicate with your teen.Â
- Learn ways to improve the parenting partnership so you can parent together instead of fighting each other.Â
- Learn how to stop the family fights, insults and punch ups between siblings.
- Program includes videos and workbook with parent, child and parenting partnership focused activities for each module.Â
- Program also includes 10 parent group coaching calls on zoom held during NSW school terms.
- Registration is for 6 months.
How do I know if the program is for me?
The program teaches the calm connection steps that can be applied to all types of situations. It provides a framework with practical skills you can apply to any situation throughout the teen years. It has been used with different types of families and teens of different ages. Here's some examples of those who have completed the program.Â
It's not just a parenting program. It's a whole family self development program that seeks to improve your connection with your teen by developing your emotional awareness and insight alongside supporting them to also change.
We use science to help alleviate parenting stress and build more calm and connection with your teen so they will listen to you and make changes.
We go into why you find yourself saying things you never thought you would say and why your teens are always telling you to “stop stressing”.
The program teaches you the foundations of understanding emotions and their causes and practical strategies to use to transform emotions like anxiety, anger and helplessness in yourself and your teen.
If you want to find more calm for yourself (because let's face it parenting teens is stressful)...
If you want to connect better with your teenager so you can…
Help your teenager to cope with big feelings and make good decisions…
It all starts with nurturing you, building your emotional capacity and understanding of emotions so that your teen will open up and you can share your wisdom with them.
hey there!
I'm Dr Kirstin Barchia
PhD, MaClinPsych, BPsych(Hons). Clinical Psychologist (AHPRA PSY000134185)
As a clinical psychologist working with teenagers and their families for the past 20 years, I have witnessed many great parents unknowingly make mistakes that have made their difficulties with their teen worse... all because no one gave them the support and guidance they needed.
When I went looking for resources for parents I found tip sheets that were vague...tell parents to "connect" with their kids. And advice that was not practical or possible for a lot of families. Most parents are working at least part time, have multiple children and aging parents to care for. The advice given in tip sheets may work if a parent had nothing else going on, but very hard to do at 9:30pm at night after working all day and not having a moment to themselves.
That's why I developed the Calm Connection Program with practical strategies to help parents of teenagers.
I am here to help you.
I am also a researcher and have conducted research with teenagers on bullying and aggression, lying, delinquent behaviour, and resilience. As a researcher it is important to me that parents are supported with strategies that are based on science and psychological research.
I care deeply about supporting teenagers and their parents.
Do you need support in parenting your teen?
You don't have to do it alone.
I like how it is practical, and you explain it in a way that means I know you know what it is really like to try to parent a teenager. I really related to what you said, I felt like you were describing my exact situation and thoughts.”
Leanne
Here’s how the program breaks down...
Calming you.
In this module, you’ll learn
- The body's response to stress and how to unwind that response.
- Practical strategies you can use right away that don't take any extra time.
- Have clarity about the areas you can make changes that will help you feel less stressed.
Why we sometimes sound like our own parents when we never planned to.
In this module, you’ll learn
- Why we sometimes sound like our parents when we don’t want to.
- How our past effects our present.
- How our past impacts our parenting.
- How our past effects your relationship with your teen.
- How to recognise and respond to our past in a helpful way
Learning to understand and respond to anxious, sad and angry feelings.
In this module, you’ll learn
- How to understand the actual causes of anxious, sad and angry feelings.
- Why sometimes feelings look like they come from nowhere and leave us asking is this hormonal?
- Why teens and adults with really great lives don’t always feel happy
- How to work out what your teen is thinking and feeling.
Coaching your teenager to solve their own problems.
In this module, you’ll learn
- How to have conversations with your teen that opens them up and gets them to take responsibility for their own problems.
- Practical strategies for having positive conversations.
Sibling conflict – how to protect and build connections between siblings.
In this module, you’ll learn
- How to respond to sibling conflict in a way that teaches your children good conflict resolution skills.
- How to apply the Calm Connection Steps to the difficulty of sibling conflict.
- How to build connection routines into your household.
"The Calm Connection program has been a wonderful source of great learning and great comfort for me this year as I support my 15 year old daughter through middle adolescence. My daughter has suffered with debilitating anxiety and panic attacks. I had sought support for her and she had managed to overcome most of her fears but COVID brought about new anxieties and worries and the lockdowns meant that she was home and isolated from friends and on screens and devices for much of the time. I sought support for myself through the Calm Connection program and it has been such a warm, supportive and safe place. Kirstin’s compassion, gentle guidance and wealth of knowledge have helped to reassure me and help to re-build my confidence and connection with my daughter again. Kirstin I cannot thank you enough. You are truly the teen (and teen mum) whisperer!!"
"When I commenced the program, my teenage son was out of control and our usual beautiful close relationship had disintegrated. As a single mum who was trying to reach out to all sorts of services for help and support, I continued to come up with dead ends. The calm connection program changed all of that. The support and knowledge from the program, Kirstin and the other parents in the group has been amazing. Being with other parents of struggling teenagers means that I have felt less alone. I found Kirstin is an amazingly empathetic, supportive and knowledgeable psychologist."
Check out your bonuses
Teens and Screens Early Bird Bonus (Save $97)
REGISTER BEFORE 4PM AEDT SATURDAY 29TH OCTOBER.
One day your teen will be old enough and smart enough to get around restrictions.
Teens and Screens teaches you how to get your teen off their devices without having to turn off the power, become a tech expert, or argue with them.
This training gives you the strategies to have your teen owning their behaviour change rather than just complying.
Learn how to work with your teen to get them off their devices so you don't have to spend the whole school holiday period nagging, monitoring or feeling guilty.Â
 ($97 VALUE)
3 Month Additional Enrollment (Save $497)
REGISTER BEFORE 8:30PM (AEDT) NOV 1ST.Â
Plenty of time to access all of the course material to help you with whatever Christmas and the New Year (...or your teen) throws at you. Enroll now and get the breathing space you need with a full 9 month access for the price of 6 (now less than $33 per week).
Applying Calm Connection Steps to common difficulties.
Have a clear process for common difficulties.
1. How to tackle social media, gaming and phone use.
2. How to respond to drug and alcohol use.
3. How to get your teen to...exercise, sleep, eat well, look after their mental health.
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($100 VALUE)
Parent aspiration toolkit
1. How to reconnect with your passions and desires in the midst of the demands of your family.
2. How to find the time to do the things you want to do not just the things you "have" to do.
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($40 VALUE)
Calm Connected Teen program
Videos to help your teen understand themselves better.
1. Understanding emotions
2. Ways to manage stress
3. What to do when you feel different
4. Managing friendship and relationship stress
5. Sleep: Why we need it and how to get it
6. What to do about procrastination
7. What to do if you feel like you are going to fail (or have failed).
($250 VALUE)
Pick your payment option
3 Month Bonus Sale on Now (save $497)
(Limited time offer. Normally 6 month access with monthly payments of $200)
I am here to help you. If you are unhappy with the program you can request a full refund within 7 days.
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The Calm Connection Program is for parents who want to know how to help their teen ...
The program is for parents and carers that are ready to learn about and understand themselves and their teen better.
It is for you if you are ready to make changes to help yourself and your teen teen.
The Calm Connection program is not for you if you are not open to self reflection, getting to understand your teen better, or make any changes to your parenting.Â
"It has been quite amazing and one of the benefits I didn’t see coming was actually hearing other peoples’ stories helped me to realize that actually what I am going through is actually really normal, and it is happening in different ways and forms in most people’s households. So I have learned from the other parents and how they have handled things and I have also felt that everyone is going through the same or different things and it is actually okay."
"One of the beauties of the program is that it doesn’t matter what your difficulties are, or how difficult they are, and whether you have a child who might have additional disorders, it’s still the same approach."
Frequently Asked Questions
WHEN ARE THE GROUP ZOOM CALLS?
WHAT IF ONLY ONE PARENT DOES THE PROGRAM AND THE OTHER DOESN'T WANT TO CHANGE?
WHAT ARE THE BENEFITS OF THE GROUP CALLS?
IS THIS PROGRAM SUITABLE FOR SINGLE PARENTS?
CAN MY CHILD'S OTHER PARENT ACCESS THE COURSE AND THE CALLS?
WILL THE PROGRAM HELP WITH MY SPECIFIC DIFFICULTIES WITH MY TEEN?
WILL THE PROGRAM HELP WITH MY TEEN WITH ASD?
WHO WILL BE HOSTING THE GROUP ZOOM CALLS?
HOW IS PRIVACY AND CONFIDENTIALITY MANAGED IN THE GROUP CALLS?
IS THIS PROGRAM VALUE FOR MONEY?
WHAT IS THE BENEFIT OF AN ONLINE PROGRAM VS ONE TO ONE SUPPORT?
WHAT IF I START THE PROGRAM AND DECIDE IT'S NOT FOR ME?
WHAT IF I CAN'T MAKE THE LIVE ZOOM CALLS?
I HAVE A TWEEN OR I HAVE AN OLDER TEEN IS THE PROGRAM SUITABLE?
CAN I CLAIM THE PROGRAM THROUGH NDIS?
I AM NOT SURE ABOUT WHETHER THE PROGRAM IS FOR OUR SITUATION CAN I CALL YOU TO DISCUSS?
How it works:
- Access the self paced learning modules and workbook in your own time (in the car, on a walk, at home).
- Submit your questions and attend the group Q and A zoom calls fortnightly.
The Calm Connection Program is designed to...
What are you waiting for?
Move beyond feeling like you have to just put up with the "teenage behaviour" to getting your connection with your child back.
I'M READY! SIGN ME UP!00
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